I don't spoil my daughter not only because I don't have the means to but even if I could I wouldn't. I don't want
electronics, name brand clothing and expensive toys to be of high importance to her. I want her to live a humble life and learn to appreciate the little things. So I don't spoil her.
I also want her to grow up well-behaved, respectful and
lady-like so I discipline her. I set rules and boundaries which she may not always like but they are necessary. As she gets older (especially as a teen) she will probably hate these limitations even more but hopefully one day she will understand I am doing all this because I love her.
Unfortunately the ex does not follow this same viewpoint. So whenever he comes to visit he showers her with gifts which result in her making comments like "I love my daddy because he buys me such nice things". Or he allows her to do whatever she wants, eat as much candy as she likes, eat dessert instead of her meal, etc. Then she comes back to me...and I am the bad guy. And to be honest I get it...I really do. He's not around much so he feels that this is the way to win her affections. It's just not exactly the right way to do so.
Yes we are playing a game of good cop/ bad cop...and it needs to stop before it spirals out of control. Because I'm afraid as she gets older she is going to learn how to manipulate the situation. Not only that but it isn't fair on me to always have to be the bad guy. I need his support in making rules and being a parent. Something I'm afraid I will never get.
I know she is just a child but I wish she could see how much I love and care about her. How I am here for her each and every day. How instead of showering her with expensive gifts I shower her with endless amounts of hugs and kisses. How I am the one who wakes up in the middle of the night when she had a bad dream, how I kiss her boo-boos, how I make her homemade chicken noodle soup when she's sick, how I read her a bedtime story as we cuddle under the covers every single night, how I make her eat her veggies only so she will grow big and strong, how I don't let her eat unlimited ice cream so she won't get a belly ache and cavities, how sometimes I lay awake in my lonely bed at night worrying about her and analyzing the choices I make, how I make my life choices based upon how they will effect her and I always put her before myself. I wish I could make her realize that money does not buy love. I hope she will understand that I am not the bad cop. That I love her with all my heart.