March 30, 2014

A Single Mom's Open Letter to the Men Who Hate Us

Dear "Freelance Writer" attempting to give dating advice to men,

I recently read your article and immediately responded with an anger filled retaliation. So let me try again...I actually thoroughly enjoyed reading what you had to say since it gave me such real insight into what a mans (especially one who seems to know it all) viewpoint is on ladies like myself. How silly of me.

You start by saying how we're stuck in 18+ years of Hell but I beg to differ. I don't know if I would exactly categorize "having a child" as being hellish. I mean yes there are days when you may run into temper tantrums and messes but the cuddles, the never-ending love, the bedtime stories, the innocent smile they give you as they wrap their tiny arms around your neck makes it all worthwhile.


You're right my child is my top priority. If I happen to meet the right guy I will place him pretty high up there on my priority list (possibly even before a clogged toilet) but he will never surpass my offspring. A mothers love for her child is strong but it doesn't mean her heart can't hold enough love for a man too. Have you ever been married?? Because I think that tends to be the same situation after a married couple has kids which is why "date nights" usually diminish to far and few between.

Never Available. Okay so we're busy but again for the right guy we can make time. Plus, I guess a clingy overly-available chick who has no life sounds much more appealing. Wait is that her calling your cell again today for the 10th time in a row?!

The Ex/Baby Daddy is always there. Wow you really do know what you're talking about. It obviously took two of us to make her so I do still have to deal with him sometimes. Luckily he has his own life, own girlfriend and even though it's a work in progress we're working on the co-parenting thing. It's not the ideal situation but I want someone who can accept that. I'm not the jealous type so I don't expect you to be either. And we're not together anymore for a reason so there's nothing to be jealous of anyway.

The Kids are working against you. For now I've kept my dating life and my life as a mom completely separate. I've dated a few guys and not one of them have met my daughter. I have yet to introduce anyone to her not only because I haven't made it past the two month mark but I want to wait until I'm absolutely certain it's going to be long term.

Entitled Attitude. You said, "Single mothers think because she had a baby out of wedlock the world owes her EVERYTHING." I only work a mere 35 hours a week as an occupational therapy assistant before that I was working 45 so that I could start saving some money for grad school. Oh and I also work part-time doing freelance writing, sponsored ad reviews on my blog, and I write for Mommy Poppins Connecticut. I don't collect welfare, food stamps, WIC or any other government assistance. I don't take handouts and I pride myself in being an independent woman who can support and take care of myself. But you better be damn ready to treat me like a Queen...because I'm ready to treat you like a King. But when I say that I don't mean I want you to take me to the finest restaurants and buy me and my daughter expensive things. No I just want you to be here for me. I want your loyalty. I want you to ask me how my day was. I want you to bring me orange juice when I'm sick or rub my back after a long week. I want to cook dinner together or put on a pretty dress and go dancing. I'm a hopeless romantic and am willing to give that much back to you. I just want the same things those single ladies without kids want....but who am I kidding I popped out a kid so according to you I don't deserve any of that.

Distorted Self Image. "Single mothers are the type to try to squeeze themselves into sexy outfits like low-rise jeans and cropped T-shirts to show off their belly button, not seeing the muffin top and stretch marks squeezing out over the top of their pants." Damn I hate when my muffin top hangs out. What a waste of a gym membership. P.S.- Single ladies when you're pregnant cocoa butter works wonders.


Drama Queen. Oh yes I love drama. Thrive on it. I actually stay at home watching soap operas and taking notes of how to create it and then I magically find time between dropping my daughter off at school, cooking dinner, dance classes and cleaning to act out these fun sounding "woe is me" theatrical scenes you speak of.

Ya' know I try my best and its a shame because she really does look so unhappy.









I mean she's growing up this sad deprived life and not having both parents is all that matters right? Who cares that I tuck her in every night and we've never missed a story, she has healthy home cooked meals on the table, she's such an incredibly smart girl because I put in the time and effort, we play dolls together, I teach her the importance of manners and kindness. None of that matters since I'm just a single mom. She could have parents who are still together like this couple here....that ratchet mama still wit her baby daddy so its alllll good right, G?

When I was 21 I remember thinking, "I would never date a guy that has kids." I was young, immature and my main priority was going out. Settling down was not even a consideration. I dated "boys" who also were in a similar mindset. The thought of dating a single parent was not an option and why should it be? Their lifestyle is not compatible with the bar scene. But as you age and mature your life changes. And as a "boy" grows into a "real man" his views begin to change as well....and a classy, hardworking single mom might not be such a bad thing.

Your truly,
Single Mom


25 comments:

  1. Why not just date a single father? Single parents should only date pother single parents.

    Also, you can keep your dating life separate from your kids until they're 18. Essentially just live a double life, by dating only when the kids are with the father.

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    Replies
    1. Your a selfish person. I hope like hell you can't have kids.

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    2. I pray you can't have kids, your selfish person and deserves to be alone.

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  2. More straw man arguments, assumptions, and shaming tactics. The article you're responding to is two years old.

    I never said I was giving dating advice. The point of the piece was to list the reasons why Real Men avoid single mothers. I don't claim to know everything, I merely stated what I observed from my opinion and from the experiences of other men I have listened to.

    You don't know what hell is. It's all good when they're little. But call me when your child turns 13 or 14 and is making you crazy.

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    Replies
    1. I read your article Shawn, and as a single mum myself I have to say that I wasn't offended by your post. Actually what I read was the article of a man who clearly knows what he doesn't want from a relationship...nothing wrong with that. What I find interesting about your article though is that instead of owning that, you put the blame on single mothers. What I did think was a little offensive perhaps about your post was the assumption that most single mums are just plain and simple, whores who just can't get it together....which just isn't true.

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    2. I completely agree! I don't see anything wrong with him not wanting to date a single mom. That's his own preference...when I was younger and single I has the same viewpoint but I would never disrespect or put down a single parent. I think it's so ignorant that he groups us all into the same category. He's so judge mental and were not all the same. His way of thinking is sad really.

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  3. I love this! Thanks for sticking up for single moms. This man obviously had a bad experience and is now taking out his anger on everyone. Single hard working moms should not be classified into a bad category just because there are some out there who are ghetto and grimey.

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  4. I can totally relate to this. It's a shame there still is that double standard.
    I know there are still a few good men out there. But if they never find us, it doesn't matter. They're the ones missing out, not us.

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  5. You single moms are the worst! I just got out of a relationship with a single mom, she never was available and I waited weeks to see her. Guess what, relationships with single moms are not worth it. Kinda hard when she isn't there.......

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    Replies
    1. Woman make time for the guys that seem worth it. Don't blame a "single mom." Maybe she just wasn't into you and happened to be a single mom. Not all are bad and she just wasn't the one for you. Stop generalizing.

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  6. Single mothers are not as desirable as women without children. Woman love children, men love their own children. Single moms are better off dating single dads.
    Most childless men, within a certain age..... do want their own kids one day, dating a single mom can reduce this number, if they want any at all. They might consider themselves done.

    Whatever women say about being financially dependent and being able to look after their own kids, if a guy gets serious and moves in, or even marries her... He will be financially supporting another mans child, whether it be contributing to the food/supermarket shop, mortgage, birthday/Xmas gifts, school activities, clothes, using gas to drive them from A to B....It's going to happen, the kid will be an expense no matter how self sufficient the mother claims to be.

    Not all kids are accommodating to a new man in their moms life, let's face it, a new guy Is a roadblock in the way of their parents getting back together .... and if the kid(s) start to work against you, no matter how unfair the scenario is... The mom is going to take the kids side no matter what. Being a step parent is a thankless job. Kids can play things to their own advantage and win.

    Then there is the ex factor. A lot of guys are not comfortable having a guy who used to have sex with their girlfriend constantly in the background. The child is a permanent reminder of this. Getting drawn into arguments, or having to patiently wait whilst mother & father disappear for their 'little chats' ... No matter if he's moved on, or still wants to be with the mother... The guy has a biological tie to her , it just adds a new layer of complexity to a relationship.

    There's no point in single moms talking down these points like they are nothing, or don't matter. They are all extra complexities that don't exist when dating childless women.
    They often throw the bone that only 'real men date women with children. Rubbish. It's just a preference. Some women won't date a man who is short... Or live with their parents, or don't earn a high salary.
    The father of the child should be the 'Real man' in the child's life, and general guys should not be put down for wanting to meet someone else they can settle down and have their own kids with, instead of picking up the tab for junior.

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  7. It might be interesting if these single mom haters wrote an article....urging single women to stay away from dead beat dads...or dads that aren't active/don't see/don't take care of their child/children.
    For every child living with a single mom, there is a man...a single man on the dating scene.
    Most of the single men in america aren't single...they are a dad who doesn't have custody of their child.

    I don't think single women should date men who have kids that don't live with them.

    I am a single mom. I had 2 kids with a guy and then we broke up. Years later he died.
    Many of these single women with no kids will eventually get pregnant and either have the kid ( and become a single mom) have an abortion or adopt their kid out.
    Then these same guys who got her pregnant will still go after a single woman....get her pregnant...dump her....its such a weird cycle.
    Almost half of every family in America is headed by a single mom. All of these kids are going to grow up and replace the current population. It would be interesting if in the future no woman wanted anything to do with any man.

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  8. Alot of men are simply jealous because they cant have kids. Single moms usually would LOVE a man to be with them however they do just fine without a man. It makes them upset they arent needed. Most single moms dont even get child support because the dad wont pay. Other then sperm alot of men might feel like they are not needed or wanted anymore and that makes them hate.
    Do men hate the single mom or her kids or both?
    I know plenty of women who trick men into getting them pregnant then dump them. Happens all the time.
    However we shouldnt want our sons growing up to think they arent needed. Or our daughters growing up thinking they dont need men.
    There has also been a huge surge in gay men coming out of the closet. These men want kids. They just dont want the woman part of the equation.
    Hating a woman because she doesnt have abortions is crazy. Afterall....everyone alive today is because their mama didnt have an abortion.

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  9. Is that so? single mom............

    Well let me tell you something. You are so full of s_hit. You stupid single mothers think you are so right about this but you are not.
    I agree with the first comment/post. WHY DON'T YOU DATE A SINGLE FATHER INSTEAD??????????????????HUH????
    OH NO, YOU WILL NEVER DO THAT BECAUSE HE HAS FUKNG KIDS TOO......
    I HAVE FALLEN FOR THE SAME FUKNG TRAP WITH 3 STUPID SINGLE MOMS. ALL THEY DO IS TRAP YOU. ONCE YOU GUYS GET INVOLVE WITH ONE YOU ARE DOOM. YOU CAN;T GET RID OF THEM

    I HATE MY STUPID GF. ALL SHE DOES IS PAY ATTENTION TO HER FKNG "OFFSPRING" YOU BI*CH.
    Always the fukng kid is the priority.

    YOU STUPD SINGLE MOMS DONT CARE HOW WE FEEL ABOUT IT.
    WELL, LET ME TELL YOU,
    WE FEEL LIKE STRANGLING YOUR FUCKING KIDS LIKE HELL. ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE PETS TOO, GUESS WHAT, WE WILL HATE THE PET TOO AND HURT THE PET BECAUSE WE CAN ONLY HURT THE PET. I ALWAYS BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF THE CAT. I ENJOYED IT. IF I COULD I WOULD DO IT TO HER STUPID KID. HOWEVER, I WOUOLD NEVER HURT HER.

    THE REASON WHY WE HATE THE STUPD MOTH ER FUKE R FATHER IS BECAUSE THEY ARE ALWAYS AROUND WITH HOPE OF GETTING BACK WITH THEM.. THE HAS HAPPENED IN MY 3 RELATIONSHIP WITH ALL 3 GF YOU STPUD BI*CH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU W HOR_E!

    YOU STUPI D BI*TCH ES ARE GOOD AT OPENING YOUR FKNG LEGS THATS ALL.

    LET ME TELL YOU ALL SINGLE MOTHERS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    WE WILL NEVER LOVE OR LIKE YOUR KIDS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE ALWAYS PRETEND TO LIKE THEM BUT THE TRUTH IS WE FUCKING DON;T !!!!!!!!!
    WHY WOULD WE LIKE SOME OTHER MANS MISTAKE???????????????
    ANOTHER MANS FKNG SPERM.????????????
    WE HATE THOSE KIDS. LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, WE GUYS TALK ABOUT IT TOO WHEN WE DATE SINGLE MOTHERS AND IT IS EVERYTHING IM TELLING YOU.

    WE HATE IT WHEN:
    - THEY GET ALL THE FKNG ATTENTION
    - LITTLE FKNG JOHNNY HAS TO SLEEP WITH US
    - LITTLE JOHNNY AS ANNOYING AS FKCNG HELL !!!!!!!! HIS MOTH WONT STOP ! OMG!!!
    - WHEN YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR HIS FKNG ASS TOO
    - WHEN ALL THE GF TALKS ABUT IS THE FKNG KID ( WE DONT GIVE A FUK!
    - WHEN SHE TALKS ABOUT WHEN SHE WAS PREGNANT
    - WHEN THE EX KEEPS TEXTING AND CALLNG FICKNG IRRITATNG!!!!
    WHEN THE STUPID KID INTERRUPTS US

    WE WILL NEVER EVER LOVE YOUR KIDS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NEVER NEVER NEEVER NEVER NEVER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    WE PRETEND TO LOVE THEM BUT WE HATE THEM LIKE FUCKING HELL.
    WHEN WE ARE ALONE WITH THEM WE FEEL LIKE BEATING THE FCKING SH*T OUT OF THEM.

    YOU FUKNG BTCHES ARE SO FKNG STUPID.


    YOUR FUKNG SOLUTION IS:
    DATE A FUKING SINGLE FATHER YOU FKNG BITC%$$%S



    FYI YOU STPD "SINGLE MOM"

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  10. I don't think most men who are single and childless hate you. I'm a man and I've never heard any of my male friends say they "hate" single moms, that's ridiculous. Hate is a very strong word and that right there is the drama thing that some people are mentioning. If you weren't a single mother in the first place then you wouldn't be making so much drama and "woe is me" about your situation so it's pretty easy to understand why a guy wouldn't wanna date you.
    You are overly dramatic about you're situation right of the bat in the title of your article. What other drama is waiting for the unsuspecting single male that might be interested in you?

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  11. It's right there in the title of your article "A Single Mom's Open Letter to the Men Who Hate Us". "Hate" is a very strong word. I've never heard any of my single, childless friends say thet hate single mothers.
    Too much drama and "woe is me" right from the get go and continued through the whole article is why I and many other men wouldn't date you. Your dramatic whining because of your lot in life is tiresome.
    Nobody really cares about how tough your dating life is because everybodies life is tough. Maybe focus on your child instead of dating and dragging your child through all your drama and whining.

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  12. It's right there in the title of your article "A Single Mom's Open Letter to the Men Who Hate Us". "Hate" is a very strong word. I've never heard any of my single, childless friends say thet hate single mothers.
    Too much drama and "woe is me" right from the get go and continued through the whole article is why I and many other men wouldn't date you. Your dramatic whining because of your lot in life is tiresome.
    Nobody really cares about how tough your dating life is because everybodies life is tough. Maybe focus on your child instead of dating and dragging your child through all your drama and whining.

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  13. I am a single mother of two boys. I take care of my kids without a man. I own my house, 2014 car bought and paid for. I paid my way through college. I also saved up money for both my kids for their college fund. BTW their dad does not pay child support. I can take care of my kids without help,and I did it without a man. I don't date there for there is no strange men around my kids. My kids are now 14 and 11,they have asked if I would date a man. I said " I will only date a single father, because most men out there are selfish." Honestly, the last man I was with was their father and that was 9 years ago. I am happy to be single mother, independent,business owner,successful, and free. My house is paid for.. 750,000.00 house is paid for no monthly payments. I am not going to have a man come in my life and take it all away from me. Men are users.

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  14. I am a single mother myself. I have been approached by childless men, but I am not interested. I would not want my own son burdened by someone else's children and so this is my rule. I also need a man who carries equal baggage to my own so we both have understanding.
    I didn't choose to be a single mother. My husband was drinking himself to death and was scaring all of us. After fifteen years I gave up trying to save him. Eighteen months later he was dead, but my children are alive.
    It is so easy to pass judgement. I wanted that happy family life. I wanted ever lasting love but we all do the best we can.
    Yes my children always come before my man. If my man's children don't come before me then he is not a man worth having.

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  15. I hate it when people talk about men wanting this and that. They can't speak for all men as a whole. My dad dated my step mom and she already had five teenage boys. Now they are all my step brothers. they've been happily married for ten years. My whole step mom's family has a lot of respect for my dad because of that. Guys don't lump all people together, not everyone is the same.

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  16. Guys, do not ever date a single mom. You will regret it. They are hard to get rid off. The best thing to do if you date one, is to not let them know where you live or work. When you try to break it off they will stock you. They cannot let that happen. Please take my word. I made that mistake 3 times. Yes guys the sex is great but its not worth it.
    At first they pretend their child is not their priority but the truth is IT IS !!!!! ALWAYS WILL!!!! The stupid ex will always be there also to try to get her back. ITS FUCKING IRRITATING!!! that's how it is most of the time. They still have hope.

    The kid will always get fucking attention
    the kid will be her priority
    the kid will be annoying as hell
    you will never like the kid ...NEVER
    eventually the kid will irritate you so much that you will eventually have thoughts of harming him. personal experience......

    let me narrow this down to one single conclusion.........

    this goes for ALL GUYS...

    WHY DATE A SINGLE MOM WHEN THEIR ARE ** MILLIONS ** !!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND MILLIONS OF SINGLE WOMEN OUT THERE WITHOUT KIDS ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
    do not ruin your life, always remember what I said earlier, NEVER TELL THEM WHEN YOU LIVE OR WORK, to save you a lot of trouble in the long run, when you change your mind and say "fuck this".....


    I live in Orange county by the way................

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  17. I wouldnt piss on a single mother if she was on fire.

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  18. Men dont want kids whether its theirs or another mans. Its the truth. You will most likely get dumped the second you become pregnant.
    It happens all the time. Men dont want to help raise kids period.
    I really think this new generation of boys being raised into men will be alot different than todays "men". I think they will be more caring and open to being present in a childs life.

    And for the men basically screaming at us because they hate kids and single men....i hope you dont end up murdering a small child because you feel they are brats. You hate kids and single moms. Whooo hooo. Its good you dont have kids already. Some people really shouldnt reproduce.

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  19. ............
    The kid will always get fucking attention
    the kid will be her priority
    the kid will be annoying as hell
    you will never like the kid ...NEVER
    eventually the kid will irritate you so much that you will eventually have thoughts of harming him. personal experience......



    Ummmmm that happens when anybody has kids whether single, married or if they are your biological kids or another mans.

    Thats how it works. Thats why most marriages fail...exactly what you wrote and i cut and pasted....its happens when its your own offspring. As a man you will not be first anymore, just like the mom isnt first anymore. Its called growing up and putting your needs aside to raise a kid...just like your parents did for you, hopefully.

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  20. im so sad reading all these posts. total lack of humanity. may God bless you all.

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